Marijuana: Vote "NO" on legalization for recreational use and keep it out of the hands of addicts and people struggling to stay sober.
Tips to Guide You
The tips you are about to read in this Q&A format are based on real experiences I have either personally had in recovery or questions I have been asked by people who were looking for guidance. Please always remember that nothing is written in stone and that these are only suggestions.
- Alexandra
Q: What does it mean to become sober?
A: Getting sober is about going back to where you left off before you became an addict. It means you go back to work or get an education or both and become a functioning, contributing member of society. It means that you will help others and be responsible for your own life by doing your part.
Q: Why do I still feel so sick after six months of not using?
A: Recovery comes in three stages. #1 is your physical sobriety. That is why you go to detox or rehab - or if you can't do all that, you will still realize how you go through a lot of changes in how you are able to deal with your body. Your physical sobriety will probably take about one year. #2 is your emotional sobriety. Emotional sobriety takes a lot longer than physical sobriety and if you are not careful about that, you could fall back into the pattern of addiction. Taking care of your emotional sobriety and understanding how important it is, is as critical as your physical sobriety. Once the physical addiction is gone and you are in a good place with your emotional state and are not being judged or challenged, your recovery will start feeling solid. Drama and wild emotions are your enemy. Learn how to fight that enemy. #3 is learning new ways to manage your life by learning how to take direction and from who. Sobriety means taking a step back, assessing your life and making healthy changes everywhere. It means getting life back on a schedule and living by a reasonable routine. Time management and education will be very helpful here and keep you focused on a new frontier, which will help you take care of yourself so you too can become a contributing member to society.
Q: What is it called when my drug or alcohol use turns from fun into necessity?
A: Crossing the invisible line.
Q: When am I crossing the invisible line?
A: Our bodies are like a river. If we pour things in it that pollute it, it will no longer look or act natural. Like the water in a river, our bodies have a thing called a "carrying capacity." Our bodies can process toxic substances and get rid of them just like a river has biological defenses to clean up it's own water over time. However, if we keep adding those toxic substances and give our bodies too much work to do, eventually our liver will not be able to handle the demand nor will other parts of our bodies. Like a river that cannot handle the carrying capacity of pollution, we enter a toxic state and the longer we allow this state to take place the more damage we do. We cross the invisible line when we ignore the process our body needs to reclaim its natural state.
Q: If I'm a hardcore addict, how am I different from other addicts?
A: Hardcore addicts stay up for days on a regular basis (two to three days, once or twice a week). We like to experiment with all kinds of drugs and mix our drugs in different ways. We are addicted to sex, have odd eating habits, smoke like a chimney (or not), don't take good care of our teeth and overall health. We live by a script to shut out people who want to help us because we think our partying is none of anybody's business. We work hard and play harder. We are very tough on ourselves. When people tell us we are losers or hopeless we agree and this feeds our addiction because we have deep and painful emotional issues on top of everything else. For hardcore addicts nothing is ever enough. We do good for people so they leave us alone with our drugs. We don't let anyone close emotionally because we are in love with drugs and other substances.
Q: Is it normal when I am more excited about my recovery than anyone else?
A: It's good to feel happy. At the same time, when we get too happy it can trigger the "pink cloud" effect. The "pink cloud" effect is the feelings we used to get when we got excited before we began to use. We must learn to study our own patterns and be sure that our feelings are related to something specific and factual.
Q: If I join a 12-Step group and I’m asked to look for a sponsor, can that be anyone?
A: No. A sponsor should have at least five years or more in recovery. He or she should have a stable life, a job and most importantly, a lot of time to work with you on your issues through a 12-Step approach.
Q: Is my sponsor going to run my life?
A: No. The primary job of a sponsor is to work the 12 Steps with you.
Q: When am I recognized as a speaker in open A.A. meetings?
A: When you have 10 years (consecutive) or more in recovery.
Q: If I don’t meet the 90 meetings in 90 days requirement the first time I go to an A.A. (or other 12-Step) meeting, does that mean I failed?
A: No. Just do the best you can. You are the one who has to feel like you are gaining solid recovery.
Q: What if I get hit on? Aren’t 12-Step meetings places where people respect my need for finding a state of grace?
A: Reject people who hit on you. If you get hit on and you’re in your first year it is called the 13th Step, meaning someone is just trying to sleep with you. It’s not cool to hit on people who are fighting for his or her sobriety. Feelings change a lot in the first year and we must be careful with any kind of intimacy. Emotional issues, good or bad can lead our minds to wander and we fall back into our patterns of using. Also keep in mind that many people in recovery may have STDs and even AIDS. If you can, work with a psychotherapist to help you find direction. You don't have to, it's not a requirement, but it's good to get the perspective of a professional, especially early in recovery.
Q: How can I learn to sponsor someone in a responsible way?
A: The Hazelden Foundation has some great materials on sponsorship.
Q: Is it wrong to tell people that I am sober?
A: It’s a choice you have to make, though chances are that telling everyone around you that you are sober will ensure your chances of staying sober because you are not giving yourself a chance to talk anyone into accepting your behavior should you relapse. Be sure however that you keep people around you who will not judge you in any way whatsoever. Judgments and negativity compromise early and long term sobriety.
Q: How long will it take until I feel normal again?
A: Four to five years of continuous recovery, to include a healthy diet, exercise and good self-image. All this does depend however on the length of your usage and what substances have had a hold on you. It may take longer. It is always wise to include your doctor in these estimations.
Q: What if I have several years in recovery and I need surgery? How will I be able to make sure I do not get hooked again?
A: Make sure all of your healthcare providers know you are recovering. Take charge of your recovery by telling them. There are non-narcotic and low-narcotic solutions for people like us. Be sure to ask for those solutions when you talk to your doctor. Also when you get a prescription for managed medication after surgery or a procedure, which could cause you unbearable pain, make sure you tell several trusted friends when you are taking your medication and how much you have taken. Go to as many meetings as you can during this time and read a lot of recovery literature. Additionally, always factor in your own willingness to stay sober.
Q: If I think of using once in a while does that mean I am failing?
A: No. A craving only lasts about seven minutes. But we do fall into patterns, which go beyond just thinking about using. In recovery we have to learn how to catch ourselves when we fall into these patterns. This is where the work in recovery comes in. We must understand how the addictions gets our hands to pick up things before our eyes and brain can actually register what we just did.
Q: Will I have to change my whole life around and live differently?
A: Make it easy on yourself. In the long run you will see sober people do what regular people do, only we do it sober. Eventually we realize that the things we were intensely interested in before our recovery are really not all the rage. Our lives change for the better, as we do not see the point in putting ourselves through the same stresses we did before we got sober.
Q: Is recovery gender specific?
A: It is for the most part because many of us use over relationship worries involving the opposite sex (or the same sex, or both). When we enter recovery, we are in a state of blame. It is easier to see our behavior around people who have the same orientation to his or her pain as we do.
Q: If I have two months of recovery and my doctor gives me medication for an injury and my loved ones try to take it away from me should I let them?
A: Real recovery works on your own power. It is important that you make clear that you have your own power to make good choices for yourself. If you feel that your family should have authority over your recovery then designate one member of the family or a close friend to help you manage your medication until your doctor says you do not require it anymore.
Q: What if I am harshly judged for the damage I caused during my addiction and it causes me to think about relapse?
A: The most important thing for your recovery is that you are in a place of peace with yourself. People who were harmed by your addiction are strong enough to judge, but they do not understand that you need to start dealing with the reality of your feelings again and that any tension, even if it is warranted, could potentially harm you. Remove yourself from any such tension and draw boundaries in your life that allow you a serene environment. When you are strong enough you can make your amends, you will do it by taking care of your feelings first.
Q: Do I really have to make amends to every person I offended in my addiction?
A: Yes. However, you can find ways to become a better human being and let those people see your progress by doing volunteer work or helping your community in some other way. Some of the people in our life have issues as well. But we are not the ones who are qualified to fix those people. If you think an amends is going to do you more harm than good, let some more time pass and weigh out the situation.
Q: What if I feel like I should be the victim and feel like some people owe me material possessions, money or an apology even though I offended them with my addiction?
A: For serious matters it is always advisable to seek the advice of an attorney. However, the best way to deal with resentment is not to create new avenues for it as resentment, fighting and anger can cause the cycle of our addiction to start all over again. Forgiveness at a distance and moving on is a good place to start.
Q: What do I do with the stuff I have that reminds me of using?
A: Donate it to charity. It will be a healing experience and you will remember your stuff in a good way by doing good for those who are in need.
Q: What if my party friends keep calling me?
A: Get rid of your old phone number and delete the memory on your phone, including all phone numbers including contacts on your computer. Delete your MySpace, Facebook or whatever social media page you may have and start a new sober page. Throw away all contacts you have written down. Out of sight, out of mind. It works.